She's the girl I can't live without, and that's precisely why I must visit her so often. She knows the worst things about me and, ya know, it's ok.

Maybe you know her too. Let's just call her Lady V. She and I have had our ups and downs together. I've always known that there were others in her life. But in the end we always return to those who were there for us since the beginning. It's because she understands that the people who need the most loving are those who deserve it the least.

It was just five short days ago that I disembarked from my normal life, whatever normal means, at McCarran International. There she was to give me a hug at gate B12. After showing me how happy she was to see me, we boarded our cab, off to the Planet Hollywood. As a starlet, she truly belongs there. I on the other hand, are only fortunate enough to visit now and then.

She pardoned herself for awhile, and I told her I was going downstairs to play some of that 100 play video poker, while I waited for Wallwagon and Rockstar to witness the bets we were to make for all the people nutty enough to be our friends. Like a whirlpool the money went those next two hours. My lady wasn't there with me. Said she wanted to check out the view from the room.

Thankfully, just as Wallywagon greeted me, I hit a little jackpot and won back a quarter of my losses. We had some lunch at the Tacone Grill. Its neat getting to meet people in person. These guys are real involved in Boy scouting and really want to help others. I inhaled my first nearly raw burger and then we proceeded to go about our appointed rounds. We three had lots of fun finding the machines we had been asked to play. A couple of nickels hit on 20 on the roulette wheel. I didn't see Lady V there but she must've done her thing for Rhonda and the animals at the shelter. $360, one spin of the wheel, tipped the croupier a ten spot, and we made our getaway good on our roulette hit and run.

The Wallywagons had another engagement, and just as well, as Lady V and I needed to check out the view from the room. All the rooms at the P Ho have a movie theme. This was the 1998 remake of the original Billy Mumy/ June Lockhart TV series, and won acclaim in the 1999 Razzie awards for Worst Remake of the year.

Well there's no accounting for taste, Razzie or not, the accoutrements of the room got me and the Lady downright hot to trot. I had gone thru half my bankroll in a few short hours, and needed to blast off of the Planet. Sailor had told me about a hot video poker deal at the Orleans. So off we went.

We played poker at the bar for two people, one won, one not. I've been to Vegas almost 40 times, but never to the Orleans and had always heard what a good value the buffet was there, unfortunately, they close between three and 4pm. The Lady and I were, as Anthony Bourdain puts it, hungry for more.

Those of you who know me understand that it doesn't take much to get us spaced, one drink or one smoke will do it every time for me. The Lady and I watched patiently til someone finally got up from the Star Trek slots. As this seemed to be in the stars for us we played for a little bit, and after several battles with the Klingons, the machine was nice enough to feature for us. There were four features in all in the first half hour. This was the best.

We won another $800 on the Coyote Moon, and left. Lady V came through again. We were still buffetless, but just a few bucks short of even. Is that what the Democrats mean by wealth redistribution? That is, leaving three grand at one casino and getting it back at the next? We grabbed the shuttle to the Gold Coast, walked across the street to the Palms, and gambled for friends again. A couple little wins, but nothing to write home about. We had the buffet there. Frankly, that was nothing to write home about either. Too bad, Palms buffet was an A-class act a couple years ago.

I had front row tickets for Mystere and Lady V opted to take a long bath at the Planet while I went on to TI . She does so hate signing autographs.I should not have played at Treasure Island without her at my side. Finally it was showtime. I had waited in a long concession line, and purchased my hat trick special... large popcorn, extra salt, and a large frozen strawberry daquiri with a small bottle of bubbly. I had planned to bring the champagne back to the room, but after they poured it in a glass, I had no other choice but to sip it, one big sip. The show was really great, that usher guy is a real pisser.

I got back to the room about 10:30. Lady V was out and about. Like I said before, we're both smart enough to enjoy the time we spend together, and not ask any questions. I fell asleep, hoping she'd be there beside me when I woke up.

Morning came around pretty quick. I asked my Lady if she wanted to sleep in, as all I needed was a venti redeye, but she thought we should see what we could find downstairs. Lo and behold, another Star Trek machine. Battle after battle ensued as the yeoman became a lieutenant commander. Lady V would disappear now and again visiting with her other friends. Once I felt her hand on my shoulder during an extra long feature, and she stayed long enough to keep me company while I waited for the trip's first handpay.

We had planned on taking the bus together to the Cannery, but opted for a cab myself instead. The lady stayed behind. Cabbie was a great guy, really enjoyed the ride over there. I did the friends gambling at the Cannery and found some 8/5 ten play bonus poker that I played pretty even for an hour or so. New casino, lots of new slots, think I should play about 20000 hands there next trip and go on a royal/quad hunt. Best multiplay bonus paytable on the trip. I couldn't stay though as I had other places to be and people to gamble for. I also had a world class “mostly mooing” burger with bacon there in the coffee shop.

It's only about a ten minute walk up Boulder Hiway to Sam's. I just wasn't getting any good vibes there. I think I was jonesing for the Lady. Did the friends thing there, but only stayed ten minutes. Got some fresh air out back while waiting for the shuttle to Bill's on the strip. Caught the deuce around the corner, bought the $5 twenty four hour pass and went to the Sahara to do the friends thing again. The place felt like a morgue to me. They either need a serious remodel or an implosion. There were some decent single play tables in the high limit area. It was the only place I saw happy people in the casino.

The Deuce provided free entertainment as the driver ejected two belligerent low lifers, who were outwardly expressing the desire to get into all the other passengers faces. Finally made it back to the P Ho just in time for the Spice Market Buffet at 4pm. Truly this was one of the best meals I have ever had, and the service was worthy of a Zagat review, still on my list to do. Still no lady after dinner, took a bath on 7/5 quarter hundredplay, followed by a good soaking on 50 play deuces, shoulda known better. I crashed at 6pm. My day for exercise.Still no lady.

Tuesday started about 130 am. Thank God for 24 hours Starbucks. I really hadn't gambled very much at the P Ho and was really getting killed at VP. Well, gotta keep the host happy somehow. I sat down at the Star Trek machine and after being down a couple hundred bucks the Lady came by and we played it for the next 7 hours. Every time I won a medal or gained a rank she would high five me. After 40 medals you can play the Tribble pinball game as a Lieutenant. At seventy medals you become a Senior Commander. Another guy there had 117 medals and was already beyond Captain rank as a Commodore. I was afraid the Lady might sense that he was superior on the obsessive compulsive scale than myself.

It was time to meet Jasonargo and Rhonda downtown at 11. what a beautiful day for a ride on the deuce. No four letter weather profanity (cold rain hail snow). Took about 40 minutes to get downtown to Fremont Street, what a great view there was from the upper deck of the bus. Sit in the front if you can.

We met up at the four queens and burned fifty friends dollars to a crisp at the roulette wheel. Some people, like Sailor and Buddha gave very explicit directions to their machines. We wanted to get to Hennesey's for lunch. I needed another moo-burger.

It was like Rhonda had a premonition. She took a picture as I sat down at the double bonus Buddha had specified. The other woman was on my lap, she must've been even though she doesnt show in the pics. We got two 4's held them , drew three and got 2 more, one game $400. You can just do anything with the right friends and and a Lucky Lady. All hail to the winners...

evoni $5

MBRNKL $6.25

Wirragirl $7.50

Curlyendive $5

Airdancer $5

PApamela $5

Spike 42 $10

Shielasandiego $3

Pebbles $4.60

LV bound 63 cents

Sprat8 $2.50

Rhonda $90 pretty good huh

Adam79 $90 them just ain't potatoes

and the king of luck himself Buddha 777......$200 that's right TWO HUNDRED SMACKEROOS Quad 4's on dollar double bonus

We had a nice lunch with Rhonda and Jasonargo, although she did seem somwhat concerned with my raw meat on a bun fetish. Someting about e-coli.....Jasonargo has a masters degree in downtown comp and coupon management. He should give lessons.

I told Rhonda that if I didn't get back on the deuce by 1:38pm that my 24 hour bus pass would expire. I lost track of the Lady till very late in the evening. I was really getting beat up on the slots...not even Dr. McCoy was coming thru for me. I was pissed at myself for not stopping when I was even for the trip at 3pm. The Lucky Vegas Lady was nowhere in sight.

I decided to take one last shot at it anyway, a $100 investment in the triple butterfly  two coin $5 machine. down $10, 20, 50, 90....last spin

triple butterfly

triple butterfly

green seven

$1800

With that I retired for the evening. Never saw the Lady, but she must've been there.

Something really wierd happened on the cab ride to the airport, the same driver who had given me a ride to the Cannery two days earlier. We remembered each other. What are the odds against that happening? As my religious mentor Yogi Berra once said it was like deja vu all over again.I'm sure there must be some deep meaning to all of this luck and coincidence. I better plan another trip to figure it out.

Well all told, I wound up spending about $400 for the entire trip after all the room, transportation, food, tips andfriends gambling. I had a good time with Lady Vegas. I hope you did too.

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Sometimes, when your Mom is in her mid-eighties you may one day feel very spontaneous and decide to cross the continent and just show up in Scranton  unannounced for her birthday. If you continue the trip over the Susquehanna River and thru the technicolor woods you may just stumble on a cute little casino in Wilkes Barre Pa. the Mohegan Sun at Pocono Downs horse racing track.

It is a rather unassuming structure from the outside

I walked in, just me and my buddies Benny Franklin,and the Jackson twins, really on a sightseeing trip more than anything. The fall foliage on the trip down interstate 81 was not peaking yet and I needed some stimulation. The five dollar machines beckoned, and on the second spin, there she goes, a $240 pop. Hey dere...pretty durn good, haina? Ben dere jus five minutes.

Anyone with any sense at all would have run like a white-tail buck back to the car. Never shall you be able to rightfully accuse me of that! Nothing like a great buffet to settle the tummy after a little luck. The Timbers Buffet would rate about a half click between the Nugget and the the Bellagio buffet. They even had pierdogies. Really a pleasant surprise. Good thing I didn't go to the Ruth Chris' or the Wolfgang Puck restaurant  there or I might never have made it back to Grandma's house. Really nice place, really great food, a large non smoking area...I was almost in heaven.

I didn't want to give them back their wampum, so I played the penny multiline slots at max coin for two hours $2 to $4 a spin, must've hit a dozen or so little features. One machine, named Red Baron oughtta be painted black and white and renamed CA$H COW. Almost a thousand bucks up. Oh yeah, don't want to blow it now...anybody for a little 10 play Videopoker with a ho hum 97% paytable? What the hell... A hundred down, then two three four hundred and the deal is two to a royal plus a wild deuce. OUCH! Normally I'd just keep the deuce,  but today is a LUCKY day, everything I touch is loose as a Canadian goose. So I went for it .....THREE wild royals at $250 each. In with $140 out with $1900. Now I can afford to go to Vegas*

Tags: Vacation Wilkes Barre

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